Tuesday, April 7, 2009

well wuddya know 'bout that?

So yeah, I woke up one day and realized that time is most definitely marching on and holy shit look at that! .. Apparently its been marching on and dragging me through shit fields and salt mines for the last seven or ten years.

Dont roll your eyes asshole. This isnt gonna be one of those whiny bitchy blame karma and the cosmos kind of events, so sit back down.

Time has been drudging me through shit and salt because Ive been letting it. There will be no finger pointing or pity parties here. Im gonna grab hold of this bitch called life and reclaim it as my own. Surprisingly enough .. it will still be known as "bitch" on account of .. well .. lets be real here people .. this is still me.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Daughter: "Mom, when is easter?" -- Me "LaLaLa I cant HEAR YOU!"

When I was like five or six, I woke up on easter and blah blah blah easter baskets and chocolate before church .. blah blah blah .. I ended up throwing up VIOLENTLY (Im sure it was violent vomit, not your average vomit) .. blah blah blah ..

Im now 32 years old and to this day I can NOT eat chocolate in the shape of a bunny or an egg .. and the smell of easter grass makes me turn every shade of an easter egg.

True story.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

im so hardcore

So I took one of those Facebook quiz things .. ok .. I took like 85 of them (Hi, Im an addict, have I mentioned that?) This particular one was "Which Crazy Bitch Are You?" .. and since I have been called a Crazy Bitch by every.single.mother.fucker.Ive.ever.met.and.even.a.few.that.Ive.NEVER.met.
I decided to do this little quiz and find out just exactly which crazy bitch I am! Because apparently you can find this shit out .. on Facebook .. for free. WHO KNEW!?

At first I was totally hoping I'd end up being Mallory from Natural Born Killers .. so I could be all "HOW SEXY AM I NOW FUCKER!?!?" .. and then .. I saw "Courtney Love" and was all "..the fuck??" .. and then .. I read it and was all "..the fuck?? Facebook is like Jesus! I think I *am* Courtney Love" .. which is kinda hard to admit, even now, cause she's kinda a total fuck up.

I'll let you be the judge..

You are one wild bitch. You love trouble and trouble loves you. You like to have a good time and won't let anyone get in your way. Sometimes you seem like you are perpetually trapped in a childhood mentality and you take alot of flack from alot of people for your carefree ways. Nevertheless you care alot about the people close to you and if anyone messes with you or the ones you love, you will fuck them up. You can rock out with the best of them and won't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are this perfect balance between girly chick and tough chick. You are blatantly honest and sometimes people can find this a little hard to take but you really don't give a shit. .